I was listening to an older podcast this morning that was discussing resistance. There was a moment when one of the speakers asked another why he wanted to write fiction. The short version of his answer was “to bring joy to others.” That was the right answer. The speaker asking the question said if the guy’s response had been “To be a famous author” it would mean that he was seeking third-party validation and that he felt on the inside that he was a piece of shit. That would be a signal that the guy would not succeed in his goals.
I wish I could interview that man. What if both of those reasons are your truth? When I was young, I wanted to be a writer. 1. I was good at it. 2. It brought me third-party validation in a time when I felt I was nothing. It was nice to have someone brag on you and tell you they thought you were good at something. I was about eleven years old, but still.
Last year I picked up the novel “Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon. I had heard of it, and now there was a television series that was getting a lot of talk. I didn’t think I would like it. I mean, time travel … not my cup of tea. But, I loved it, and I inhaled all eight of her enormous novels in just a few months.
They lit a fire in me that I had not felt in about twenty years. I had quit writing about the time my second child was born. I didn’t have time. I had to get a real job. There were bills to pay and mouths to feed. I had also quit reading during that time. Ever since I can remember, every time I read a great book I was fired up and wanted to write one too.
Mrs. Gabaldon’s novels awoke the muse in me, and I spit out a 138,00-word novel in about 6months.
That being said, in my mind, I was also thinking this may be the answer to getting me off my feet. Lyme disease has taken a toll on me and what if this was the answer; to be not necessarily a famous author but a successful author? What if I could pay the bills with it?
Then I heard this interview, and it struck a chord. I have had an interesting life, and one day I may write a book about it, or I might just include some of the events in my books, but it got me thinking. Am I seeking third party validation? Do I feel like I am a piece of shit that seeks that attention? If that is the truth is there any hope of being successful? Will I putter out in a year or two?
Can you be inspired by a muse and still feel unworthy? Maybe that’s a sign I need therapy. Ya think??
It just got me thinking is it worth it? Should I continue? I like to think I can accomplish anything I work hard for but is being a successful writer something you can force?
That podcast opened a world of questions for me. Why do I still feel like I’m not worthy? How do you let go? If I find a way to let go will I be more successful?
What is the truth of it all and who’s truth is the right truth?
Certainly, it has to be different for every person. I may send Mr. Pressfield an e-mail and see if he will answer and give me his thoughts on the matter.
In the meantime, I will continue on the path I’m on and keep on keeping on whether it is to inspire joy in others or for third-party validation.
My final question is …